If you attract a lover right now, they will be just as screwed up as you are right now!

People all seem to have a common question about relationships: "I want a lover who loves me completely, who supports me in my dreams and goals, who gives me moral support and boosts me up when I'm down. Where is this person? I want him or her in my life now!"

With 6.8 billion people on the planet, there is no doubt that person is out there. With all the social networking that exists now I have no doubt that you can also be connected easily with that person. But I also believe that you need to look deeper into your desire before that ideal person can show up for you.

The desires set forth above are wonderful. They reflect what we all have in common: the need to be loved, to feel safe and to be seen. But what is missing is the second side of the equation: what you can offer the other person. Think about it, do you really want a person who is so selfless as to simply exist to support your dreams and goals, and love you completely? Or, do you want someone balanced, who loves himself or herself and has the same desire to be supported by another?

That is the key. We are walking magnets that attract everything to us. We will actually attract precisely the person we are. To attract the person balanced in self love and love for another, we need to become that person ourselves.

This is the awareness that most people don't think about! We usually think about what we want the other person to be and to give us, but do not think about what we want to bring to them and be for them. And that's exactly why they aren't showing up. What shows up is what we are right now.

Here's where it gets really fun - the first person that we need to be supportive of and unconditionally loving of is our own self! That is great news because it means that we don't have to wait for some other person to come along before we can practice the art of unconditional love. What we do have to do is figure out how to give it and receive it from ourselves

Loving ourselves is a concept that is not often taught or encouraged. Yet it is essential if we are to have that kind of a partner. This is one of those areas of life that the inner shift is created in baby steps; especially for folks who are accustomed to habitually criticizing themselves. Take heart though, it CAN be done, and you can start right now!

Start each day with the commitment to really care for yourself in your thoughts and emotions. Be kind to yourself; be as gentle asyou would be with a small, innocent, trusting child. Give yourself the gifts of laughter and love every day. Be allowing and accepting of who you are. Just this personal kindness alone will start shifting you, and bringing you closer to your ideal lover. Let yourself be your first beloved, and your wonderful romantic partner will stroll into your life, effortlessly and easily.

Rick Schaefer M.D. is an established author and is the creator of Extreme Thought Makeove-37 Days to Maximum Life! He has a life coaching practice, teaching from the principles in his program. Rick also has 19 years experience as a physician, and 14 years experience studying personal development, success, and the Law of Attraction. He now works at the intersection of those two fields by helping people at the root cause of disease -their thinking. He is the father of three, and makes his home in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, at the shore of Lake Michigan.

He can be heard regularly on WISN Radio 1130 AM in Milwaukee. He has been President of the Anesthesia Society, has taught at the Medical College of Wisconsin, has been featured in the Wall Street Journal and on National Public Radio, and has been a featured speaker at regional and national success seminars. He has also appeared on the Lifetime TV Network's "The Balancing Act."

You may have heard the phrase "just do it!" There is a lot of wisdom in it. In our lives we constantly face choices. When we try to imagine how we will feel as the result of the two alternatives in a choice, we try to pick the choice that we predict will feel better. Many times that choice is about doing something, or not doing it. I suggest doing it, because it is a lot easier to make the decision of whether to continue to do something when you already know how it feels to do it, instead of just guessing on how it will feel.

It's no big deal if you choose to do something differently after you start it. You always have another choice to make, and another. You will be much better prepared to choose if you actually have done it.

When you pause from a task, a job, exercise, or even life itself, it sometimes is hard to find the motivation or inspiration to get back to it. Often it feels like there is no point, you do not feel like doing it and you expect the results to be poor. Most of us find that simply by doing something small it feels better, and the motivation then comes from feeling the sense of accomplishment from the doing.

Let me use the example of sales. Often someone in sales will feel like their heart is just not in it right now, because of feeling down from events in other parts of their life. Usually, if they just make a phone call anyway, and have a conversation, it will be uplifting. The human interaction helps, and the sense of accomplishment from simply doing it helps too, regardless of the outcome of the call. That action brings the inspiration to make another call, and another.

In this way, the motivation to do something can come from the actual doing of it. This is true of many other aspects of our life as well. As jumping into a pool of water is motivation to swim, the doing of a little something is usually motivation to do more of it. Do not be scared, you can always get out of the water, dry off, and go do something else.

Action can be a cure for doubt and lack of motivation, but can also be a cure for sadness, hopelessness, and depression. There is a constant desire in all of us to learn, grow and expand; to follow desires. Having desires is what makes us feel alive. Most learning in life comes not from just thinking about something, but from the actual doing of it. Life experience is the greatest teacher of all.

So go out and "just do it!" It will feel great!

Visit Dr. Rick's extremely helpful blog at http://www.rickschaefermd.com/blog for more articles on personal development, tips, law of attraction simplified and his personal updates.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

I have been writing about goal-setting all this week. Today I want to focus on our lack of awareness of all the wonderful answers we get to our goal-setting behaviors.

Recognition of a goal achieved is surprisingly low among us. I have a personal example to share with you about this. When I was choosing my initial career path I chose medicine. One of the reasons I did this was because I had seen the movie "The Paper Chase" and was hugely inspired by the immense academic challenge of law school and getting a doctorate degree. Since science was more to my liking, I felt that medical school would be a better fit. I set out to take on the greatest academic challenge of my life. When I arrived, I found the teaching to be unexpectedly uninspiring and independent. I was seriously disappointed with what I interpreted as lousy teaching, and I did not score well the first two years.

It was not until ten years later, when I was sharing my disappointment about this with the greatest teacher I ever had, my high school history teacher and tennis coach, Groomer B. "Sam" Davis. Mr. Davis, from his wise perspective as an observer simply stated, "It sounds like you got exactly what you asked for." Wow, I had never seen it that way before. Ten years I was telling the same story of disappointment, and never even realized I had been gifted with what I had asked for. I had my mind set on the academic challenge being in one specific form, which was to have teachers who were interactive. But what happened was even more challenging for me, which was teachers who DID NOT interact, making me learn independently, and that was much more difficult. It was a true epiphany for me.

This is more common than you might think. Many of us simply do not notice when the answer to our asking comes, or when our goal is achieved.
How could we miss it? Well, sometimes our goal is specified to be very distinct in our minds, and we are not open to the desired result coming in a different form. Let me give you a more common example.

Suppose your goal is to make more money. You state your goal, and describe in detail how you want to be recognized by your boss at work, receive a promotion, and gain an increase in income related to your promotion. But then, you surprisingly get offered a wonderful job at a different company with a higher salary. You may feel frustration that a great offer is coming to you, but yet, your own boss does not appreciate you and give you the promotion. You then go back to work even more disappointed and unhappy.

This is an example of you getting exactly what you are asking for, more income, but not recognizing it because your focus is on your current boss and the specific job you currently have.

Open your perspective to recognizing any answer that is brought to you. Perhaps you can talk these things through with a trusted friend or spouse, and they as an observer may be able to see what you are missing.

It is really a fun adventure, when you start to recognize all the goals and desires that actually are manifesting around you. It happens more often than any of us realize.

Visit Dr. Rick's extremely helpful blog at http://www.rickschaefermd.com/blog for more articles on personal development, tips, law of attraction simplified and his personal updates.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

One sweet dream came true today. - The Beatles, from "You Never Give Me Your Money"

Most of us will be writing New Year's resolutions or new goals for the new year. I have an idea for you in preparation for that. Before you write about all that you desire to have come into your life, make a list of all the resolutions and goals that came true for 2010.

Many common New Year's resolutions are "I want to make more money", "I want to lose weight", "I want to quit smoking", "I want to be in better health", or "I want a new lover". What I am suggesting you do is write about the weight you lost last year; for example the month where you dropped eight pounds, even if you gained it all back. Write about the 24 hours you quit smoking last year. Write about the exercising you did in 2010, and the times your body felt more fit and more healthy, even if just for a while. Write about the love that you have in your life now and all through 2010; all the love you received and all the love you gave. Write about the money you made last year, especially all the new money that showed up that was a new pathway from 2009. Write about each new pathway that opened up for you. The more you reflect the more it will surprise you; money that was gifted to you, a small raise, a new job, any insurance or tax refund, or money from something you sold.

By focusing on the positive aspects of 2010, three things will happen for you. You will be of the right energy to go ahead and write about what you want for 2011. You will also more easily attract something if your attention is on the fact that you have already attracted it. In reality, that is a way of incorporating the energy of "acting as if" you have already achieved a new goal, because you actually already have. And finally, it just feels better to be in appreciation of what you have accomplished or received, rather than focusing on the absence of something in your life.

Perhaps after you do this, you will not even need the New Year's resolutions… you will be able to work off the list of things you accomplished in 2010 and simply want to have more of.

Visit Dr. Rick's extremely helpful blog at http://www.rickschaefermd.com/blog for more articles on personal development, tips, law of attraction simplified and his personal updates.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

The only way you can get in a rut is by CHOOSING to
think the same thoughts over and over again.

What happens in the world around you is a product
of your interpretation. If you ask one hundred people
who witnessed the same event to describe that event,
you will get 100 different interpretations of that same
event, all perceived through slightly varied senses of
sight, sound, smell, taste, and feeling. All perceived
differently based on the individual's personal history,
knowledge, upbringing, belief system, and cultural
and religious beliefs. Our past is dependent upon
interpretation.

Sounds complicated, eh? But really all it means is that
our environment is dependent upon our inner self.
It is not what happens to us, but our interpretation
of what happens to us. So, if what actually happens
is a variable of our thinking and belief, then the
present is dependent upon interpretation also.

Each moment is a choice as well. What we choose to
put our attention on in any given moment is a choice,
no matter what is going on around us. As we think
about the future, we have the option of coloring that
thought to our liking as well. We can imagine the next
moment to be inspiring and wonderful, or negative
and repetitive. To be in a rut, we have to bring in a
thought that our future will be just like our past. It's
like listening to a song and hitting replay ten seconds
into the song and continually hearing the same
section over and over and over. Our future is therefore
dependent upon interpretation as well.

My point today is that we actually have conscious
control over our future. To create a future that is
just like our past we have to hit the replay button
every ten seconds, in other words we have to
consciously put thoughts in our head that are
identical to the thoughts we had before. The only
way we can be in a "rut" or "stuck" is to consciously
create the same thing over and over.

So shake it up! Practice thinking new thoughts.
Pick out some little thing and think differently
about it. Master it. See your world change one
little thing at a time. As you practice, you can
move your thoughts to bigger and bigger things
in your life, and you will have the ability to transform
your life in any way imaginable.

Replace those repetitive thoughts of old, and break
out of the rut, get unstuck. You will be able to create
the future of your own desire simply by transforming
your thoughts, about the past, the present, and the future!

Visit Dr. Rick's extremely helpful blog at http://www.rickschaefermd.com/blog for more articles on personal development, tips, law of attraction simplified and his personal updates.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

Dr. Rick Schaefer, Law of Attraction Expert, author and life coach, shared his ideas about the things that we celebrate in life and suggested "Instead of looking at the big things that are going wrong, look at the little things that are going right."

"It is truly amazing, if you choose to focus on it, what is right in the world. Your heart is beating perfectly, supplying blood flow which contains oxygen perfectly bound to hemoglobin, perfectly reaching each and every cell in your body. And that cell knows perfectly what to do to transport that oxygen inside, and feed over one hundred thousand chemical reactions perfectly each second, and every protein is perfectly synthesized in perfect balance with that cell's needs, and every molecule within that protein is made perfectly of the right mix of atoms, and within each atom the electrons are spinning perfectly around the nucleus."

"What do you consciously do to make this infinite amount of activity work perfectly and in balance? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Even in the absence of a conscious breath, your body perfectly exchanges air with the outside world. That process is called respiration, made up of expiration and inspiration. Mmmmmmm, inspiration: that sounds perfect, doesn't it?"

"Perhaps these little things that are going right are actually the big things, and all the rest is really the small stuff. Perhaps who likes who, who has what, and who has how much money, what the economy is doing, are the little things, and the miracles of human life on this planet are really the big things. And just think about it: if the miracle of life is not happening, then the little things are irrelevant."

Dr. Schaefer suggested "Instead of looking at the little things going wrong, look at all the big things going right: perfectly right! One of the beautiful benefits of taking this perspective and that it removes all personal responsibility from you. What a huge relief! To think that it is not even necessary for you to take any action on the big things is truly a relief."

"You do not have to do one single thing to make your heart beat or your lungs breathe, or the cells in your body to do their assigned jobs. Oh, did I mention that the cells figure out their individual job all by themselves, and you do not have to figure it out for them? They all know what to do, and do what they are supposed to do, all by themselves!"

"Let us all celebrate this together! We can think about all of the amazing cells in our body, and feel the wonder of them all. Do it now and feel your feeling of celebration!"

Visit Dr. Rick's extremely helpful blog at http://www.rickschaefermd.com/blog for more articles on personal development, tips, law of attraction simplified and his personal updates.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

I've been pondering this question for a week. It keeps coming back up. Seems like it would be really nice to have a World Flag flying beside the U.S. flag and the Wisconsin flags in this community. You probably know what a big fan I am of Humanism over Nationalism, while it's still wonderful to be part of a community, too. And it's also wonderful to never let that community energy act to exclude anyone else. A World Flag is the ultimate in inclusion, where each thread of humanity is represented.

I naturally moved my thought to what this flag would look like. It feels to me like the four strands of humanity would all be represented equally: yellow, white, red and black; sunrise, noon, sunset, midnight. What a beautiful flag, weaving these colors equally across the fabric… making a true fabric of humanity, of life. Other images also come to mind: holding hands, yin and yang, equal exchangeable pieces, etc.

Then it occurred to me that every person might see this flag differently, from their unique and valuable perspective. How about we start an initiative in every grade school on the planet? How about having each teacher conduct a World Flag Day, when each child draws their own personal image of the flag, showing how they see the planet and humanity. Put it in the hands of the innocents, those closer to birth than us adults, those closer to the pure energy of God and the Universe. What a glorious creation that would be, to have thousands of beautiful world flags displayed all over the planet. I hope that every teacher reading this starts dreaming up a way to make a plan and put it into action during this school year, ending in 2011. It's never too soon to take action on an inspired idea!

I encourage you adults to do it now. Embrace your childhood energy and see what you come up with. Go ahead, draw something. Then display it on your wall, your office, your front door, on your window ,stick it on your bumper! Use crayons, markers, chalk, paint, anything you have on hand or can easily get. Be creative and move it through your heart. I know what mine looks like. I can see it in my mind's eye. And, it will probably show up on a mug sometime in my kitchen cabinet so that I can see it every single day and feel that wonderful feeling of being connected to all the beings on this planet; all of humanity and all of life.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.

What is it you want out of this election? Do you want your candidate to win? Do you want the candidate you don't like to lose? Do you want the one to win who agrees with all your opinions and perspectives? With just your biggest issue opinion? Income tax? Abortion? Balanced Budget? Mass Transit? Human rights? Immigration? Military? Social programs?

Well, I know what you really want! You want to feel better; more hopeful. You want to feel optimistic about the future, yours and others. So how do you get there? What if your preferred candidate doesn't win. How will you feel then? How will you recover? And worse yet, what if your preferred candidate doesn't keep his campaign promises and ends up creating a circumstance you disagree with?

If you are like most people you have tied your emotions to a specific environmental situation around you. You believe that you will be happier if a certain thing in your outside world ends up a certain way. The only way to truly feel better and more hopeful is to set your own mood so that it is not dependent on what happens around you.

In our world, in the worst of times there are always people who thrive. In the best of times there are people who suffer. So in reality, there is no real correlation between the "times" and your potential thriving. If you can shift your understanding to knowing that your well-being and hopefulness comes from within, from what you are thinking and feeling, and is not from what is going on around you, then you can control your own level of happiness at all times. It may seem like a stretch, but if you accept that it is possible, all that is left is actually charting a course to get there, one step at a time.

So let's do that! Create a plan to tell yourself over and over that no one can dictate whether you thrive or suffer. Put up affirmations around your home, car and workplace stating this. Find audio recordings and DVD's that speak of this concept. Speak to others about it who understand this concept, and draw them closer and closer in your contact circle. Stop repeating the "outside" messages of a bad economy, or of bad government decisions. Really, stop watching the news altogether. Don't read the newspaper either. It is filled with outside observations of suffering and it ultimately has no effect on your level of happiness unless you let it in, by putting your attention on it.

So now, imagine you have successfully mastered the thought that no one around you has control of your level of happiness and thriving. Now think about the election, and realize that whoever takes office will not dictate your personal environment. You know you can thrive in any environment. You also know from experience that when the government shifts to liberalism, it will likely rebound to conservatism in the next election. There is a natural ebb and flow of these dominant forces, and ultimately nothing shifts that far from moderation over time. That's the beauty of the U.S. Government design and structure, and the amazing checks and balances system.

So be at ease. Observe the current election, and know it will not deeply affect your personal level of happiness. Be happy for the system, and for the presence of diversity, and especially for the presence of hard working, committed people who are willing to work in that environment.

About the Author

Dr. Rick Schaefer is the author and can provide additional ways to help you improve and elevate your mood, thoughts and life experiences, in simple yet lasting daily lessons. Visit http://rickschaefermd.com for information on his book 'Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life!!!; and his appearance on national television Lifetime TV Network, www.etmvideo.com.

What is the big deal about self-love, anyway? Isn't it only important to love others and forget about yourself? Well maybe not! Maybe what you've been taught in the past about love needs a major overhaul before you can truly have the relationships you've always desired.

You can never love another enough to make up for any lack in love they have for themselves. No matter how good you are at it, no matter how deeply it runs, your love can never make up for any lack of self-love. You can love someone dearly, and they could still be in despair or even suicidal.

The greatest gift that you can give them is the gift of self-love. Many times people are unsure of how to give that gift; and yet often times the simplest answer is the most powerful answer. The simple answer, is to give yourself the self-love you require and then demonstrate that through your choices and actions.

When you step back and be an observer of yourself it is easy to see if you give yourself the love, acceptance, compassion and kindness that you wish for another. Take simple examples: do you accept yourself as you are, and know that you can improve any personality trait that you would like to improve? Do you accept the appearance of your physical body? In each day, do you give yourself fulfilling work, nourishing food, self care habits such as exercise and quiet time, fun and supportive relationships? Do you make it a priority to laugh as often as you can? Are you determined to care for your emotional health by choosing thoughts that are positive?

In setting the example of loving yourself, you are first and foremost being a focused creator of a wonderful life for yourself. In addition, in demonstrating behaviors that support you, you are role modeling that for others who observe you. If you have children, you know that you are their most influential role model and what you do, they will also do. What better way could there be to guide them in loving themselves!

A side benefit to you loving yourself is that the love then flows to other people. It is unavoidable. And so, once again you demonstrate the care that comes from cultivating self-love. No matter what you give to them, they will only be able to fully receive love from you if they love themselves. Obviously, for our children this is clear, and crucial. And it also applies to all your adult friends.

The other action you can take is to guide them to resources that will encourage and reinforce self-love. How can you give them the gift that keeps on giving? Direct them to many of the other authors who focus upon self-love: Abraham-Hicks, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Louise Hay, Dr. Christiane Northrup, etc. Self-love is a very big deal, and will determine their happiness throughout their life.


About the Author

Dr. Rick Schaefer is the author and can provide additional ways to help you improve and elevate your mood, thoughts and life experiences, in simple yet lasting daily lessons. Visit http://rickschaefermd.com. View his "Balancing Act" interview at www.etmvideo.com.

Dr. Rick Schaefer, international life coach and author of Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life!, appeared as an expert empowerment author on Lifetime TV Network's "The Balancing Act".

Ms. Knox interviewed Dr. Rick about choosing a career that truly matches
the desires people have, particularly because she recently made a huge
change shifting from traditional news to positive media. Dr. Rick also talks about "falling in love with yourself" again. Here is a link to the interview: http://www.thebalancingact.com/story/?id=2164

His book is the next phase of the 37 Day program he has been developing for years to help people change their lives by changing the root cause of their money problems, career frustrations, anxiety, parenting issues, unhappiness, and disease: their thoughts.

Dr. Rick has 19 years of experience as a physician in the operating room and teaching medicine in the Milwaukee area. But seeing patients continually return with the same problems told him that traditional medicine must ignore the true key to health. This led him to pursue the study of personal development and the science of thought for 14 years. He now works at the intersection of those two fields by helping people get at the root cause of disease: their thinking. His is considered by many to be a Law of Attraction expert.

The 37 daily exercises offered in his internationally acclaimed program are the result of years of study and retraining of the negative thought patterns that keep us stuck in any area of life. "Dr. Rick has now created a new genre in learning, unlike any other self-help resource on the market," said Bill Driscoll, VP Dealer Development, DeTech Intl.

The uniqueness of the program has already drawn national attention. Dr. Rick's experience as a speaker at national success seminars has also made him a captivating regular guest on Karen Ellenbecker's "MoneySense" on WISN Radio 1130 AM and Susan K. Wehrley's "BizRemedies", also on WISN.

Dr. Rick is available for interviews on his new book, or any topic affected by thought. Examples include health and medicine, money and career success, parenting, finding love, time management and productivity, and more!

For more resources from Dr. Rick, including a peek at the new book, visit www.rickschaefermd.com.

Dr. Rick is available for personal coaching. For more information on his coaching, or his revolutionary program Extreme Thought Makeover, visit http://www.rickschaefermd.com. Order his new book, ""Extreme Thought Makeover...37 Days to Maximum Life on his website.